Blood of the Sea, Chapter Ten

Chapter 10: Void

Nox

Nox had never fully grasped why Astrophel and Dionne spent so much time doing breathwork training, until now. Rain pelts their face as Quora surfaces yet again, letting Nox audibly cough and gasp for air. Black spots skitter across their vision as their hydrurga chortles and puffs, the movement pressing into Nox as they lie upon her back.

“I think… I get it,” Nox tells Quora, sitting up so they can better breathe as the water continues to wrap around their waist as the two of them bob, half-submerged. “You can stay under a long time.” Quora clicks at Nox, the sound close to laughter, but reassurance etches itself along Nox’s mind-scape. They smile. “At least you won’t let me drown.”

Casting about, their vision clearing as oxygen levels in their body come back to normal, Nox’s gaze lands upon the smooth outcropping of rocks, and the labor of love that is the temple seated upon them. Nox points it out, but Quora is already heading toward Falun, knifing through the water, forgoing being underwater again as they draw near. Nox guides her around to the left, toward the western side of the temple, and the entrance that awaits them there. In the rain, as they squint at the pedicle carved with Eulla’s stormy gaze, Nox can imagine that the boundaries of the pedicle simply aren’t enough to contain the Goddess, and she is present, spilling from the stone in challenge and welcome. What is stone to the sea? A tree to wildfire?

Instead of stopping, Quora slows but presses onward, swimming around to the eastern side, and the image presented there. This is the side which first meets the sun each morning. This is the side of light; of forgiveness. It is the side through which babes pass, from their mother’s arms into the arms of the Goddess and her priestess. The side through which the Waters first touch their skin. The pedicle, even in the rain, is softer than its sister.

The ocean forever holds two sides, two natures; that which gives, and that which takes. Eulla always reminded Her people of this, but it is harder to remember Her fist, the wrath of the tides, when Nox finds themself gazing up at Her. This image does remain contained within the boundary of the stone, but it is also gilt with gold and silver in the way the waves shift - calm, but alive. Eulla emerges from the waters on this side, Her hands outstretched to those who walk beneath, Her eyes lowered, but not closed. Her mouth smiling, but without showing teeth. Nox jumps, half expecting Her to turn toward them, and urges Quora back around the island to the western side, feeling guilt wriggle just under their skin at making Her wait.

Rounding Falun’s shore again, Eulla’s Voice stands waiting for them by the time Nox dismounts and pulls themself onto the stone, out of the water, but still not yet out of the rain which drums against the tops of their shoulders, numbing them to the sensation. Eulla’s Voice reaches for Nox, smiling, “You came.”

Nox bows their head, shame flaring in their chest as they think about all the times they considered turning back.

“Forgive me, I…”

“The Goddess knows our strengths and weaknesses by heart.” Eulla’s Voice crouches before Nox, her white eyes piercing through them. “But come, you’re on the wrong side.”

“But, the west-”

“Is for Her judgment, yes. But you stand in a unique position, Nox of Montoro. You asked Her to give you a purpose. You feel as though you have been forgotten.” Eulla’s Voice turns from Nox, her cold hands sliding from their shoulders. “It is She who asks you for forgiveness.”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” Nox chokes out.

Those sharp white eyes swing back around to them, pointed teeth revealed in a smile, “Indeed. Come, then. Embrace your judgment.”

Nox follows as the priestess leads the way inside. The rain seems to echo and reverberate back upon itself inside the walls, the sound growing, until Nox realizes Eulla’s Voice is speaking to them, but they cannot make out the words. They shout, “Can you repeat that?” But their voice makes no sound. They reach for the priestess, alarm shivering across their skin, but she feels out of reach. The candles in the room wink out one by one until the darkness steals away Nox’s sight, leaving them blind, mute, and lost in their Goddess’ temple.

I just wanted to know for sure. Positive or negative, it would be an answer.

You already have your answer, Nox.

Nox jerks back, their sight revealing a shadowed figure standing before them, taller than anyone else they know. The eyes though, are what gives it away first. Deep, swirling pools of light and darkness both, which weigh heavy as they press upon Nox with Her presence.

Why do you question me so?

Nox tries to speak, but finds they cannot fell their tongue, or the vibration in their throat. They turn inward. I want to be worthy.

You already are. You have what may be the greatest gift of them all. But you do not understand it.

What is it?

A better question, my dear, is what is it not?

I… don’t understand.

You hold the line when others grow careless. You are the last defense in a time of need. You stop what is otherwise unstoppable. You, Nox. You are my Void.

Your void? But… isn’t that nothing?

It is everything. It is nothing.  It is the light in the dark, and the dark in the light. It is balance. You are balance. Eulla steps closer until Nox can feel the saltwater dripping off of her onto their upturned face. Until they can smell the slow water-rot of wood, and the brine of the sea. Until the whisper of the dark, of the cold, feels like the first and last thing they will ever know.

What magic do I have? What does it mean to be a void?

Eulla leans even closer, her voice rasping in Nox’s ear as her hair shifts, flowing about the two of them like kelp, like the tide itself. You are the absence.

I don’t have magic?

If you did not have magic, you would be as a ship with holes put to sea.

I…

Eulla pulls back and holds out her hand, palm up. Touch me.

Nox lifts their hand, but hesitates.

Eulla smiles, her cheekbones sharp and plated in fish scales. Her teeth, the teeth of a shark. Remember this when all else fails, my little healer. Their magic won’t touch you. In you, there is the end. The death of magic.

Nox squints their eyes closed against her visage - one both known to them and alien at the same time. They plunge their hand forward, touching her hand. Immediately, sound rushes back into the room; the steady drip, plip, plink of rain which has slowed but continues falling from the roof to the stone below, and the dull but constant roar and snap of the water against rock. Nox gasps, the sudden loss of pressure in their chest more noticeable than its initial presence. They turn their hand over only to find it wet and slightly slimy.

They drop to their knees before the altar, aghast. “What did I do?”

“As She bid you,” Eulla’s Voice reminds Nox of her presence. She leans against the altar, arms folded over her chest, those long sleeves teasing at the tales carved into her arms in black ink. “Do not fear that you have hurt Her. This was merely a lesson.”

“A trick, you mean.”

“No, a lesson.” Eulla’s Voice kneels, facing Nox, and takes their hands. “To say you made Her disappear is to say that stabbing a sword into the ocean has an effect on the ocean itself. No. You have banished not Her, but your fears. Remember that you were chosen to bear this gift.”

“Is it a gift, or a curse?”

Eulla’s Voice pulls her hands away as though bitten; her long robes cascade about her as she stands. “There are those in your bloodline who would think it so. You are Lacuna. The lack of magic. Not lacking in magic, but one with the ability to halt it. To bring it to heel.” She makes a rough sound, like a sort of growl of disgust mixed with a choked cry. “A gift or a curse, you ask. I imagine She will leave it up to you.”